Overheard at work

"Don't give me any of that Jay-Z shit. I don't know who he is, but I know he's not as good as Billy Joel."

Tollerance is always fashionable

As a longtime fan of Ellen DeGeneres, I was sad to hear about the group that launched a war against JCPenney for selecting her as a spokesperson. But, I was happy to find out that JCPenney stood by Ellen and didn't let the bullies change their selection. This made me want to immediately go buy something from JCP.

Like others my age, I'm drawn to yuppie stores like Anthropologie and H&M, but JCPenney has stepped up their clothing selection lately and has some really cute (and affordable) stuff. Here is a collection I curated for the other young professional gals:

Colorblock ballet flats: $30
I think these are a steal, and love both of the color combos. They would be a great way to spice up a basic work outfit.

Red Skinny Jeans, $25

Necklace, $30

Belted High-waist skirt, $25
This style is flattering on almost anyone, and I like the colored options.

Printed Espadrilles, $35
I think these would look great with the colored skinny jeans or the green pencil skirt (above)

Ruffle dress, $35
I want this for work.

Purse, $47.92

How to win friends

Last August I left a job where I had a good group of friends. I wasn't 100% in love with the tasks at my former job, but the people there made it hard for me to leave. But, I was enticed with a new opportunity, and thought, "Hey, I can make some friends there!" WRONG.

I have been here almost six months, and do not have any work friends yet. I say "yet," because I am still grasping onto the hope that one day I will have that special someone (a friend) at work, who will ask about my weekend or be willing to go to the cafeteria for a cup of fro-yo. As an added challenge, most of the people on my team are my parents' ages or older, so I have limited interaction with people in my own age group. The people my age are on different teams, so I rarely have reasons to talk to them.

I've come to the conclusion that making friends as an adult is just like dating. There are people in the office whom I'd like to be friends with, and it's sort of like having a crush. But, my awkward attempts at friend-making have so far been fruitless. Here is my list of friend-making tactics:

1. Make treats. This worked at my last job. It's sort of like buying your friends, but I thought it would give people an excuse to talk to me. I thought it would go like this:
Coworker: "You made these cupcakes? They are life-changing! What else do you like to do? Let's be friends!"
It really went like this:
Coworker: (silently takes a cupcake and goes back to her desk to eat it.)
Me: (peeks over the cubicle wall to see how many cupcakes are left. Five are missing. I wonder who ate them. Did they like them? Shit, I bet the frosting is too thick. WHY DID I MAKE CUPCAKES AGAIN!!?!! I am pathetic.)

2. Offer compliments. People like compliments, so I thought this would work. But, I have to be selective in doling them out so I don't sound like a creep.

3. Act interested. Matt says this is the key to making friends--find out something about the person, act interested, and then ask the person to tell you more. The trick is finding out something about the person. It's harder than it looks, you guys! This is what happened when I tried the tactic:
Me: (looks at coworker's Pittsburgh Steelers lunchbox in the breakroom) So you're a Steelers fan?
Coworker: Yes.
Me: Oh, cool. My husband lived in Pittsburgh when he was a kid, so he likes the Pittsburgh teams. Are you a Penguins fan, too?
Coworker: No.
Me: Are you from Pittsburgh?
Coworker: No.
---end of conversation---

4. Make conversation when there are awkward silences. I know a lot of weird stories and anecdotes, so I thought this would be easy. Apparently I suck at this, but I'm really good at making things awkward for everyone. A few weeks ago I went to a team lunch, and the conversation topic turned to how people in the south speak. I love this conversation because I lived in the south and I like linguistics, but I made the fatal flaw of not knowing my audience.

I said, "You know, the way they speak is actually pretty sophisticated. 'Y'all' is singular and 'all y'all' is plural, and regular English doesn't have both a singular and a plural genderless pronoun. We just say "you" whether it's one person or many."

It was a total conversation killer. I felt like Ben Stiller's character in basically every Ben Stiller movie--hopelessly awkward and always saying the wrong thing.

5. Wait for a new person to get hired, and offer to take the fellow friendless newbie to lunch. This hasn't happened yet.

6. Participate. You want me to help with your fundraiser? You need people on the company soccer team? I'm in! Unfortunately, these opportunities haven't come up. Since I'm a consultant, I don't get to participate in most of the company benefits, like the onsite exercise classes or tutoring at the elementary schools (the tutoring makes no sense to me, since it's volunteer work).

7.  Broaden my horizons. There are a couple ladies who are probably double my age, but talk about knitting and sewing. They are pretty awesome, but already have office friends who are their own ages.

8. Ascend the ranks in the company so I can hire all of my friends. I'm currently working on this one.

So, what are your kind words of advice? I don't want to reek of desperation, but I am so tired of eating lunch alone. Or, should I just say "screw 'em"? I already have a group of friends outside of work who can appreciate my weirdness. Has anyone else been in this situation?

Reverse bucket list

I saw an article online where the author compiled a "reverse bucket list," or a list of things you never want to do before you die, and I thought it was a great idea. I'm sure you all know by now that I love making lists, so here's mine (subject to change):

1. Run a full marathon. A lot of people probably put this on a real bucket list, but it sounds like my nightmare.
2. Go skydiving. I've accepted my fear of heights and do not want to face it.
3. Visit Antarctica.
4. Resort to cannibalism because of a crazy disaster situation.
5. Give up carbs, caffeine, or sugar.
6. Go to Burning Man.
7. Couponing.
8. Be on a reality show.
9. Own a taxidermied animal.
10. Witness the miracle of childbirth. I just don't want to see that.
11. Become an Alaskan King Crab fisherman/woman.
12. Go to a country music concert. Exception: Dolly Parton, because she is awesome.
13. Climb Mount Everest. I am reading "Into Thin Air," and all the frozen dead bodies up there freaks me out.
14. Read any more books by James Joyce. I had to read Finnegans Wake, Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, and Ulysses in college, and hated them. I know they are considered classics, but I had a hard time getting through them. Sidenote: James Joyce has an amazing full name: James Augustine Aloysius Joyce.
15. Live in a basement apartment. Again.
16. Take a picture of those stupid towel animals they put on your bed on cruise ships and put it on Facebook.
17. Go shopping at midnight on Black Friday.
18. Own a reptile, amphibian, or rodent as a pet.
19. Visit a third world country. Bonus item: take a picture of myself holding a malnourished child while visting the third world country.
20. Wait in line to buy something. iPhones are cool, you guys, but do you really need to wait in line to buy one?

What is on your list?

Holiday Shopping

As the child of small business owners, I feel compelled to jump on the "buy local" bandwagon. It's something my dad has been preaching for quite a while; the license plate of his truck even says "LOCL1ST."

So, to help with your holiday shopping, I've assembled a list of some gift ideas that you can get at my favorite local stores here in Salt Lake City.


Gift idea: sunglasses
Image Eyes Optical, 2008 South 1100 East  Salt Lake City, UT
Matt and I get all of our glasses and sunglasses here. They have really unique styles, and the staff is always really helpful at selecting a frame that looks good on your face.


Gift idea: sewing machine, sewing classes, gift card
Nuttalls Sewing Center, 4742 S 900 E  Salt Lake City, UT
I was introduced to this store last year when Matt got me a new sewing machine for Christmas. Not only do they have a really great selection of sewing supplies and fabric, but their staff is really helpful and nice. I've had a couple bad experiences at a chain fabric store where the staff was really condescending and rude; I assume it is because I'm young. One time, a sales lady even suggested that I select an easier pattern. How would she know the level of my sewing ability!?! But, that won't happen at Nuttalls! They are always willing to help select a fabric and give advice about a particular pattern or problem you have with your sewing. Bonus: if you buy a sewing machine there, they give you free classes!

Gift idea: books, notebooks, unique stationary
Sam Weller's Bookstore, 254 S. Main Street, Salt Lake City, UT
As a librarian, one of my favorite things is introducing people to books I love. This is probably my favorite bookstore in the city, because of its location and selection. Bonus: there is a Coffee Garden kiosk inside, so you can get a tasty coffee while you're there. When I'm in Moab, I go to Arches Book Company. They have a good selection of local books, which I've given to my in-laws a couple times (they live in South Carolina and like the Utah-themed coffee table books), best sellers, and cool greeting cards.

Gift idea: gift certificate for a massage
Healing Mountain Massage School, 363 S 500 E #210  Salt Lake City, UT
This is a great gift for someone on a budget; you can get a one-hour massage for around $30. The students always do a great job, and the environment is really relaxing. Warning: once you get a massage, you will get addicted and want to get massaged all of the time.

Gift idea: mix CD
Graywhale, 208 S. 1300 E, SLC
This is a classic gift, in my opinion, and it's also good for someone on a budget. Did you know that you can buy MP3s from Graywhale's website? I just found this out! Sometimes the albums are cheaper than iTunes, too. You can buy the physical CD at their store, or be more modern and download the MP3s and put your playlist on a thumb drive (which you can buy at my parents' office supply store--shameless plug).



Gift idea: gourmet food basket (cheese, nuts, crackers, those big summer sausages, honey, jam, etc.)
Harmon's, 7755 South 700 East, Midvale, UT; other various locations in SLC area.
Harmon's is my favorite grocery store for one main reason: the cheese bar. The cheese bar in the Midvale store carries lots of different kinds of cheese, including cheese made by a local cheese company, Beehive Cheese Co, that is ridiculously good. My favorite is the apple walnut smoked cheese, with the rosemary cheddar and SeaHive (sea salt, honey, and cheese--holy crap this is good) coming in a close second and third. The staff will let you taste things and is really knowledgeable about the products. In fact, I bought the apple walnut cheese after one of their staff recommended it. This grocery store also has a good selection of olive oils, vinegars, nuts (Nutty Guys brand, another local company), as well as any other grocery item you might need.

Other good stores for assembling your food basket:
Liberty Heights Fresh, 1290 South 1100 East  Salt Lake City, UT.
I think they will even make the gift basket for you! They have really unique items, like fancy ketchups and chocolates and sodas. Some of their items are sort of pricey, but you will find things there you won't see in other stores. I heard a rumor that they have a $1,000 bottle of vinegar that is a billion years old or something like that.
Tony Caputo's, 314 West 300 South, Salt Lake City, UT
If you don't know this restaurant/market and you live in Salt Lake, you've probably been living under a rock. They have a great selection of cheeses, chocolates, pastas, jams, olive oils, vinegars, etc. I've always found the staff to be very helpful, too.
Bonus: while you're there, you can yourself a meatball sandwich. 

Gift idea: food class 
Tony Caputo's, 314 West 300 South, Salt Lake City, UT
While I'm on the topic of Caputo's... My sister's boyfriend's brother (are you with me?) gave them a chocolate tasting class one year for Christmas. I thought it was a genius idea. I want to take the intro to fine cheese tasting class. YUM!

Gift idea: Teapot, infuser, and teas 
The Tea Grotto, 2030 S 900 E # 6  Salt Lake City, UT

When Matt and I lived in Sugarhouse, we would go to the Tea Grotto weekly to get their amazing green tea lattes. I like the almond flavor; Matt liked the plum. They have tons of different flavors of tea, and the staff is really knowledgeable. They also have some really unique and beautiful teapots for sale.

Gift Idea: booze
Epic Brewing Company, 825 South State Street  Salt Lake City, UT
High West Distillery, 703 Park Avenue  Park City, UT
Squatters, 147 West Broadway  Salt Lake City, UT
Matt's brother and sister-in-law gave him a case of bottled rootbeer for his birthday last year, and he declared it one of the best gifts he's received. We've since taken their lead and purchased beverages for people, like a case of local beer for Caitlin's boyfriend Christian for his birthday. Or, a single bottle of booze can be a great gift, especially if it's a more expensive bottle that the recipient wouldn't normally buy for himself/herself. I think you can get all of the brands listed above at Utah liquor stores, too. You could even pair your gift with some beer mugs or highball glasses.


Or, if you want to give the gift of office supplies, stop by my parents' store!


What are your favorite local stores?

So we're drinkin' drinkin' drinkin' drinkin' Coca coca cola

I have tried to give up drinking Coke many times. I think my longest streak without a relapse was 10 days (wow, I sound like an alcoholic or drug addict). They say it takes about 18 tries for people to give up smoking, so I see my failed attempts at giving up Coke not as failures, but as events on the path of quitting. Right now I am currently on day 4 without any Coke.

I decided that this time, instead of saying "no Coke ever again," I'd allow myself to imbibe in the occasional soda. My original plan was to only drink it when I was at a restaurant, but I soon found myself eating out several times a week in order to get my fix. I think soda is okay in moderation, so I decided this time to allow myself to have a Coke every once in a while.

Here are some tips I have if you also want to stop drinking soda:

1. Find an alternative. Let's be honest, you don't always want to drink water. I really like Honest Tea's Pomegranate White Tea with Acai. It sounds snooty, but it's the right amount of sweet and healthy with lots of antioxidants. I also love their Half and Half, an Arnold Palmer. These are good options if you are like me and do not eat/drink anything with artificial sweetener (aside from the scant amounts of swallowed toothpaste). If you like iced tea, that also makes a good substitute.

2. Do not watch Coke commercials. A couple years ago there was a commercial that just showed a Coke being poured into a frosty glass. It killed me.

3. Eat really delicious food and savor each bite. If your meal is really flavorful and tasty, you won't really miss Coke that much.

4. If you work in an office with vending machines, leave all cash and change at home. If you need change for parking, leave it in your car.

5. Get the rest of your household on board, and don't keep soda in the house. Matt stopped drinking soda a couple years ago, so we rarely have it in the house. If I have a soda, he will sometimes have a drink of mine. He claims that one drink satiates his craving. I think he's crazy.

6. Don't eat fast food. The value meals come with a soda, which makes it really hard to say "no."

7. Look at the numbers. If I spend $1.25 a day (the price of a Coke in the work vending machine), that adds up to $325 a year. And some days, I had two or three sodas a day. 

8. Think of your body. You will probably lose weight by giving up soda.

9. Stay busy. On my busiest days at work I don't have time to get a Coke, and I don't even notice that I haven't had one.

10. Get some cheerleaders. Matt is pretty good at keeping me from falling off the wagon. Make sure you tell your loudest and most aggressive friends, because they'll be the ones who say, "I thought you were giving up soda..?"

Good luck!

Life's too short to watch bad movies

I used to think I had to finish everything I started, including bad books and movies. But recently, I decided that if I don't like something, I don't have to finish it. Time is a luxury I don't always have, so I choose to spend it wisely.

Here are a few movies I stopped watching after 15-40 minutes (you may notice a trend with these; I'm not the biggest fan of chick flicks):
The Backup Plan
Eclipse
The Bounty Hunter
Life As We Know It
The Ugly Truth

Two of those movies star Katherine Heigl. Her characters seem to always irritate me. They're usually clumsy and socially dumb and she always has this bewildered/goofy/golden retreiver look on her face.

If the character is successful and attractive, she also has to be socially retarded and get into ridiculous situations. It's like the female version of every Ben Stiller character. Examples: Katherine Heigl's characters in "The Ugly Truth" and "27 Dresses," Mandy Moore's character in "Because I Said So," J-Lo in "The Wedding Planner," Sandra Bullock in "The Proposal" and "While You Were Sleeping," Amy Adams in "Leap Year," etc.

While I'm on the topic of Katherine Heigl, she is set to star in "One for the Money," an adaptation of Janet Evanovich's book by the same name. I'm a Janet E. fan, having read the first few books in the Stephanie Plum series, but I would not have chosen Heigl for the role of Stephanie. For those who've read the series, here is my dream cast:

Stephanie Plum: Mary McCormack

Mary McCormack is probably about 10 years too old for this role (but I think she could totally pass for a 30-something), but she's the person I picture in my head when reading these books. She seems ballsy but also attractive and girl-next-door-ish. For some reason I thought the character Stephanie was blonde, but Wikipedia is telling me otherwise.

Joe Morelli: Adam Rodriguez

I know Morelli is supposed to be Italian, but I see him as "guy from CSI: Miami" (that's what I Googled to find his name/picture).

Lula: Yvette Nicole Brown

The movie has Sherrie Shepherd in this role, and I think she'll probably do a pretty good job. But, every time I watch "Community," I think Yvette Nicole Brown could play just the right amount of crazy as the prostitute-turned office worker, Lula.

Grandma Mazur: Ann Morgan Guilbert

I had to make sure she was still alive before I suggested this actress. Remember the sitcom "The Nanny"? The character of Grandma Yetta was nearly identical to Grandma Mazur. It's a role Betty White is also thrust into--sweet and crazy Grandma who sometimes makes inappropriate comments. Note: this is how I will dress when I'm old. Bring on the bling!

Vinnie: a short, fat, Italian actor

I can't think of the name of the guy I'd cast as Vinnie, but he'd look nothing like the guy actually starring in the movie.

I guess I really went off on a tangent, but now you know my true feelings about chick flicks and the cast of "One for the Money." Now the cast of "Hunger Games," that's another story.