Last August I left a job where I had a good group of friends. I wasn't 100% in love with the tasks at my former job, but the people there made it hard for me to leave. But, I was enticed with a new opportunity, and thought, "Hey, I can make some friends there!" WRONG.
I have been here almost six months, and do not have any work friends yet. I say "yet," because I am still grasping onto the hope that one day I will have that special someone (a friend) at work, who will ask about my weekend or be willing to go to the cafeteria for a cup of fro-yo. As an added challenge, most of the people on my team are my parents' ages or older, so I have limited interaction with people in my own age group. The people my age are on different teams, so I rarely have reasons to talk to them.
I've come to the conclusion that making friends as an adult is just like dating. There are people in the office whom I'd like to be friends with, and it's sort of like having a crush. But, my awkward attempts at friend-making have so far been fruitless. Here is my list of friend-making tactics:
1. Make treats. This worked at my last job. It's sort of like buying your friends, but I thought it would give people an excuse to talk to me. I thought it would go like this:
Coworker: "You made these cupcakes? They are life-changing! What else do you like to do? Let's be friends!"
It really went like this:
Coworker: (silently takes a cupcake and goes back to her desk to eat it.)
Me: (peeks over the cubicle wall to see how many cupcakes are left. Five are missing. I wonder who ate them. Did they like them? Shit, I bet the frosting is too thick. WHY DID I MAKE CUPCAKES AGAIN!!?!! I am pathetic.)
2. Offer compliments. People like compliments, so I thought this would work. But, I have to be selective in doling them out so I don't sound like a creep.
3. Act interested. Matt says this is the key to making friends--find out something about the person, act interested, and then ask the person to tell you more. The trick is finding out something about the person. It's harder than it looks, you guys! This is what happened when I tried the tactic:
Me: (looks at coworker's Pittsburgh Steelers lunchbox in the breakroom) So you're a Steelers fan?
Coworker: Yes.
Me: Oh, cool. My husband lived in Pittsburgh when he was a kid, so he likes the Pittsburgh teams. Are you a Penguins fan, too?
Coworker: No.
Me: Are you from Pittsburgh?
Coworker: No.
---end of conversation---
4. Make conversation when there are awkward silences. I know a lot of weird stories and anecdotes, so I thought this would be easy. Apparently I suck at this, but I'm really good at making things awkward for everyone. A few weeks ago I went to a team lunch, and the conversation topic turned to how people in the south speak. I love this conversation because I lived in the south and I like linguistics, but I made the fatal flaw of not knowing my audience.
I said, "You know, the way they speak is actually pretty sophisticated. 'Y'all' is singular and 'all y'all' is plural, and regular English doesn't have both a singular and a plural genderless pronoun. We just say "you" whether it's one person or many."
It was a total conversation killer. I felt like Ben Stiller's character in basically every Ben Stiller movie--hopelessly awkward and always saying the wrong thing.
5. Wait for a new person to get hired, and offer to take the fellow friendless newbie to lunch. This hasn't happened yet.
6. Participate. You want me to help with your fundraiser? You need people on the company soccer team? I'm in! Unfortunately, these opportunities haven't come up. Since I'm a consultant, I don't get to participate in most of the company benefits, like the onsite exercise classes or tutoring at the elementary schools (the tutoring makes no sense to me, since it's volunteer work).
7. Broaden my horizons. There are a couple ladies who are probably double my age, but talk about knitting and sewing. They are pretty awesome, but already have office friends who are their own ages.
8. Ascend the ranks in the company so I can hire all of my friends. I'm currently working on this one.
So, what are your kind words of advice? I don't want to reek of desperation, but I am so tired of eating lunch alone. Or, should I just say "screw 'em"? I already have a group of friends outside of work who can appreciate my weirdness. Has anyone else been in this situation?
