I hate Hannah Montana

I heard the new Miley Cyrus song on the radio yesterday, and was shocked by these lyrics:

"That's when the taxi man turned on the radio
and a Jay Z song was on
and the Jay Z song was on
and the Jay Z song was on
So I put my hands up
They’re playing my song"


Seriously? I don't see Miley rocking out to "99 Problems." If I was Hova I'd bust a cap in her dumb ass. She also sings about going to a club. Isn't she 16? I want to punch her in the face.

Matt says, "This bitch [Miley Cyrus] is out of control."

Family Reunion

Last weekend my dad's side of the family gathered in the La Sal mountains near Moab for a weekend of family fun. This weekend is probably going to suck, because Matt and I will be cleaning house to prepare for Katie and Erik's arrival, so I am going to take a moment to reflect on the good times of last weekend.

Some memorable moments from last weekend:

Matt and I arriving to the lodge to find our bed out on the deck, with three drunk women (Caitlin, Regan, Mom) in it.

Matthew, my 13-year-old cousin, yelling "I'm on a boat!" when we were getting in the rowboat on the pond. (Old people, follow the link to get the reference)


Caitlin and I scaring each other with the creepy porcelain doll, then Caitlin accidentally breaking its head off.


Christian (Caitlin's boyfriend) sleep-walking into Kelby, Andy and Matthew's room.

Matt and Regan doing awesome choreographed dance moves to JT's "Like I Love You" while Caitlin and I sang.

Playing Loaded Questions with the fam, and laughing hysterically at everyone's messed up answers.

Caitlin and I driving my dad's truck down to the other cabin, and singing Tiny Dancer.

Taking shots of expensive tequila with my cousins (Regan, Andy, Noah).

Caitlin passing out drunk and curling up under a buffalo skin.



Puking up said tequila then passing out in my clothes.

Waking up from my drunken stupor to hear Caitlin screaming "Brianna!!!!!!!!! Briannnnnaaa!" into the karaoke microphone because she wanted me to sing "Rich Girl" with her.

Matthew putting down the card "Bates Motel" for the category "Cut and Dried" during a game of Apples to Apples (that kid is hilarious).

Kelby, Caitlin, Matt and I trying to convince Christian to climb into the attic (while he was wearing his statue of David underwear).



Kelby and Caitlin and I refusing to smile for a family photo.



...and many more!

National Tequila Day

I am very sad to report that I missed National Tequila Day, which was July 24th. But, I probably couldn't have celebrated too much, because all the liquor stores were closed because of Pioneer Day, aka stupid Utah holiday that celebrates the Mormons' arrival in Utah. In a weird twist, on Friday I coincidentally blogged about Patron and how I couldn't stop thinking about it. It's true, I am psychic when it comes to booze.

Caitlin's boyfriend Christian calls Pioneer Day "Pie 'n' Beer Day," which sounds pretty good to me. I'll have a slice of lemon meringue and a Blue Moon, please.

In other news, we are heading to South Carolina on Wednesday, so the south had better get ready for us!

Patron/patron=coincidence? I think not.

Last night, as I was writing my professional literacy statement for my summer class, I kept typing the word "patron," referring to someone who uses the library's services. But I kept thinking of this Patron:


(me typing) ...give patrons the skills to communicate effectively.. Patron? Damn, a margarita sounds good right now... anticipate the needs of the patrons... There's that Patron word again! I wonder if we have any limes...outreach to patrons...I would definitely reach out to some Patron.

**note: I am not an alcoholic, and I did finish my assignment without the aid of booze.

Fahrenheit 451

Library fight riles up city, leads to book-burning demand

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/07/22/wisconsin.book.row/index.html

Seriously?

Tonight's menu: meat wrapped in meat cooked in meat juice

A couple weeks ago I tried a new recipe for pork roast. Everyone loved it so I'm making it again, but with some changes.
My recipe is based on Giada's Pancetta-Wrapped Pork Roast, but with the following changes:

I substituted chicken broth for the wine (couldn't get my bottle open, ugh) and added a little vinegar
I used jarred garlic instead of fresh cloves
Bacon instead of pancetta
Put it in the crockpot for 6 hours on low instead of the oven

My drug of choice

I fell off the wagon. Not only did I fall off the wagon, but I tumbled off it and smacked my head on the ground.

After vowing to give up Coke and only drink it during visits to restaurants (which is down to only 3-5 times per month), I bought a 12-pack on Tuesday afternoon. And finished it today.

Like the enabler I am, I said to myself, "What harm is it going to do? You're working so hard at your homework; you deserve a tall icey tasty delicious cola in a frosty mug. And 12-packs are on sale at Smith's! If you get one, you'll be helping the economy by stimulating the market, while still saving money. It's a win-win situation."

After I consumed the majority of the 12-pack in less than three days, I did what all good addicts do, and tried to rationalize. "Uh, Kelby came over and had one, and I know I gave one to Christine, and I only drank half of one before it got all hot and gross in the car..."

I'll do the math: 12-pack of Cokes minus Kelby's drink, Christine's drink, and 1/2 of the hot soda=9.5 cokes in three days. And Matt and I plan on going to Cafe Rio tonight, and my pork burrito with black beans and medium sauce enchillada style with a side of guac just wouldn't be the same without a Coke.

Someone grab a dentist and stage an intervention before I become consumed with my need for cold, sugary, caffeinated beverages.

Here's a picture of me enjoying my last Coke of the 12-pack. And yes, it does taste better with a bendy straw.