Bad Diary Days

Today is one of those days when I should have immediately crawled back into bed after getting up. I'm actually lucky that I woke up in the first place, considering my alarm did not go off. I use my cellphone as my alarm, and I woke up at 7:10 (the alarm was set for 7 a.m.) to find that my cellphone's screen had mysteriously frozen in the middle of the night, rendering it useless. Thanks, Verizon.

But, no big deal, right? I woke up on my own, so I was set for the day...so I thought. It turns out my hairdryer tried to kill me died. I've had several warning signs that it was on its way out, but apparently I am dumb enough to keep using the hairdryer after it a)blew the circuit in my bathroom multiple times, and b)threw a spark onto the bathroom rug (luckily not in my hair). I guess it's a good rule of thumb to not point appliances at your head if they are emitting flames and/or sparks.

So, I had to let my hair air-dry, and by the time it was somewhat dry I didn't have time to fix it, and it's too short to go into a ponytail. The result is what I like to refer to as the "shaggy teen boy 'do." I freaking look like Zac Effron.

Actually, I wish I looked like Zac Effron. He has better hair and is way prettier.

I really look more like this:

Still, not a big deal. I'm married so I'm allowed to neglect my appearance, right? That's the great thing about being married; you can look like complete shit and still have someone hot to sleep with.

Here's where it starts to become a big effing deal. I decided to mix it up a bit by spilling hot coffee on my lap. Nothing says "good morning" like a scalding beverage on your genitals. Fortunately I didn't get much coffee on my shirt, and was able to change pants and make it work work only 5 minutes late. But I have no coffee. Should I break my Coke-fast and get a nice cold one from the vending machine? I haven't had a Coke since Sunday, and I think it would really help turn around this shitty excuse for a day.

**update**

I tried to get a Coke from the machine, and it ate my fucking money, and I have no other cash to feed it. I guess it wasn't meant to be. And I'm pretty sure my Mormon boss heard me call it a "piece of shit vending machine."

**UPDATE**

After some careful analysis (thanks, Wikipedia), I decided that I no longer like the Jonas Brothers. This is what their Wikipedia entry said:

The brothers are all committed Evangelical Christians, their father is a former pastor, and they were homeschooled by their mother. In addition, they all famously wear purity rings on their left-hand ring finger and have vowed not to have premarital sex. Joe has said that the rings symbolize "a promise to ourselves and to God that we'll stay pure 'till marriage," and Nick had stated that "it's [purity rings] pretty awesome, and the rings are just one of our ways of kind of like being different than everybody else out there." They started wearing the rings when their parents, Denise and Kevin Sr., asked them if they wanted to. They also abstain from alcohol, tobacco, and drugs.

Yeah, they sound like a ton of fun. They don't drink, do drugs, or have sex. And everyone knows that homeschooled kids are losers. They are NOT rockstars.

I am listening to Tupac to clean out my ears and to attempt to regain some street cred.

Apple Bottom Jeans, Twisters, and a question: Are the Jonas Brothers the new Hanson?

When you're friendless and unemployed, your days sort of run together, so you have to do strange things to keep it interesting. Today's task: learning the first verse to Overnight Celebrity. I didn't succeed, but I did trick Matt into thinking that I am an awesome rapper by keeping the lyrics posted on the screen (he was in the other room and could hear but not see me) while rapping. So far I know one line: Girl I see you in them Apple Bottom Jeans, chinchilla on yo back I wanna know yo name.

Today, there were tornado warnings and watches all day. I don't know the difference, except that a warning is to be taken more seriously than a watch. I guess I need to find out what to do if a tornado actually touches the ground.

The only other eventful thing that happened today: Caitlin made fun of me for liking "Burnin' Up" by the Jonas Brothers, or the "Jo-Bros" as their true fans call them. I think she said the phrase, "we need to reevaluate our friendship" in reference to me liking the song. Geeeze! It's not like I have a Jo-Bros Trapper Keeper!!

But seriously, the Jonas Brothers should be renamed "Hanson 2.0." Similarities: a trio of teen brothers, the middle one's the most popular, young girls are obsessed with them, they all need haircuts. Let's face it, "Burnin' Up" is the Jo-Bros' "Mmm Bop."


FYI, my Trapper Keeper has the cast of High School Musical on it.

.....and you thought I was joking.