Meet Mr. Einstein:
He's a little cutie, but don't let that picture fool you--he's sort of a bastard. After living for years with a bachelor and learning to fend for himself, Mr. Einstein developed a hard exterior towards the outside world.
Einstein, or "Little Buddy" as Matt likes to call him, liked to bite, scratch, and cause general mischief. Everyone who has met him has a favorite Mr. Einstein story. Once, he jumped into Matt's fridge and wouldn't get out. Matt kept reaching in to pick him up, and but Einstein kept fighting back, weilding his sharp claws. So Matt did what any parent would do. He left him in there to think about what he did. Before you call the ASPCA/Humane Society, remember that Einstein was only in the fridge for a
After college, Matt was deemed an unfit parent and Einstein was made a ward of the state. He went to live with Matt's parents, who decided to de-claw him in order to ensure their own survival. Matt's brother Russ has a scar near his eye from when Einstein decided to wake him up with a paw to the face.
Matt loves to tell the story of how he once ran out of cat litter and had to use oatmeal instead, but Einstein didn't care. "He liked being a bachelor," says Matt. This past summer Einstein proved he is not picky when it comes to doing his business. When Matt's sister Katie moved to New Jersey, she cleaned out her two cats' litter box and put it by the back door. Einstein needed to use the restroom, and went in the empty (and formerly clean) litter box.
Matt also claims that if Einstein bites you, you don't need medical attention because his saliva is the H1N1 vaccine, but that's neither here nor there. (He likes to make up his own Chuck Norris-esque jokes about Mr. Einstein.)
Perhaps the funniest thing about Mr. Einstein is the fact that he is a complete sociopath, but loves being around people. If you try to pet him, he will bite you. He will rub up against your leg and look into your eyes with a cute expression, but the second you reach down to pet him he will feast on your flesh. And if there is a room of people he is always in the room, unlike the other two cats who prefer to hide in the bedrooms.
If you don't pay attention to him, he will break things. The other day, Matt and I observed that every time we talk to his parents on the phone someone in the background says "Einstein, you little fucker," or "Damnit, Einstein!" or some variation of curse words + Einstein.
That is why we were so surprised when he did this during our last visit:
He sat on Matt's lap, and did not bite when Matt pet him. Is he finally coming around? Has he forgiven his father? Einstein, just remember: Matt didn't give you up; he gave you better.
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