Pimpin' ain't easy

Just when I start getting excited about my exodus from my job, I have a good day at work.

Today I got to write about a couple who's in trouble with the law because they didn't pay taxes on the money they earned from running an escort service. In the words of Academy Award-winning group Three 6 Mafia, "it's hard out here for a pimp."

Also, I talked to a woman who came up with a creative invention. I asked her how she came up with funding for the business, and she said, "Well, I'm a runner," (at this point I'm thinking that she got some prize money from winning a marathon or 5K) "and last summer I was attacked by a dog while running and got an insurance settlement, and we used some of that money to fund the business." AND, she has three children, one of which is two months old. So, she was pregs and recovering from a dog-attack and still had the motivation to start a business..? I would have resorted to a life of laying on the couch with a bag of Doritos.

Why are they so cute in cartoons

My brother moved into a new apartment on Saturday--a one bedroom, one bath unit that is part of a triplex. It's not a palace, but it's a cute little place for a bachelor.

I've been doing my laundry there for the past couple days, because I don't want to pack dirty clothes, and imagine my surprise last night when I saw a mouse scurry under the microwave. Of course the light switch is located behind the microwave, so I just locked up his house and left--leaving the kitchen light on.

Me: "I saw a mouse in your house, so I left. My clothes are all over the floor in your kitchen."
Kelby: "Yeah, I thought there might have been something in there. I heard something rustling yesterday."
Me: "You should call the landlord and make him take care of it."
Kelby: "Or I could just sit there with my BB gun and wait until it comes out."
Me: "Yeah, but in the meantime it could be having babies and spreading Hanta virus everywhere."
Kelby: "Ok."

While I did feel stupid for being afraid (and mostly grossed out) by a little beastie, I was proud of myself for not screaming. But, I did wake up this morning with the scary thought of rat babies being born in my pile of dirty clothes at Kel's house. :(

What should I do?

1. Suck it up and go back there and finish my laundry.
2. Take my clothes to a laundromat.
3. Make Matt wash the clothes (because I don't want to discover a rodent in the pile)
4. Wait until the exterminator comes before I make my next move.
   

Today I...

• said to my mom, "I'm a grown ass woman!"
• explained to my mom what that meant
• passed out wedding invitations to my coworkers
• got mad at Matt for making dinner plans for us tonight, when we have much packing left to do
• immediately called and apologized to Matt, because I was being an beeeyotch
• got an apartment in SC!!!

And we also found out that Matt doesn't have a torn ACL, and I just discovered a chocolate on my desk. So far it's been a great day.

Damn girl how'd you get all that ass in Dem jeans

I made an unnecessary and frivolous purchase a few weeks ago, and have been experiencing some guilt because of it. I had been saving my tax refund for Matt's wedding ring, and the one he wanted ended up being less expensive than I budgeted for. Good news, eh? Yeah, well instead of saving the rest of the money, or spending it on the wedding, I bought an expensive purse at the Coach store, while in South Carolina.

I'm not usually one for name-brands or logos pasted everywhere, but I've been searching for a large, sturdy handbag for a while. I needed one that had a zipper (I'm paranoid about all of my belongings spilling out on an airplane floor), would be able to withstand all of my abuse, and still look somewhat chic.

While I have enjoyed my purchase, I've experienced a lot of buyer's remorse. How can the same girl who cringes at spending $3 for a gallon of milk drop two bills on a purse? I've tried to justify it by saying "purses are forever," --unlike other fashion accessories--and it's something I can pass down to future generations. ...Or is it just an item that tells the outside world "mug me!!"?

The bag is now haunting me in my dreams. Last night, I had a dream in which my BFF's sister, Amber, and I were spending the money Matt and I saved for the wedding on Coach bags. And it doesn't take Freud to figure out what that means.

In the words of the great philosopher, Chingy:

Prada,Gucci
Tell me what you like
Coach bag
With the shoes
To match
Forget the price

-Dem Jeans, Chingy

Movin' on up, to the east side.

Lately, I've been more focused on the big move than wedding plans. We started packing this weekend, and discovered that we have way too much shit. We're downsizing, and only taking our clothes, kitchen stuff, and other necessities. Furniture is going to various family members, and the DI gets the rest.
We had a going-away barbecue last night, and had a surprisingly great turnout. However, a few moments made me feel like it was a spontaneous Brianna-Roast. My friend Jesse, asked me, "Are you glad you're marrying Matt and not Chris?" (background info, I once dated Chris, who is now one of my best guy pals.)
Also, Chris, Christine, and Ryan thought it would be an opportune moment to share with my siblings some of my not-so-greatest moments, ie: the time I got drunk in Vegas and screamed at them to find me my pug T-shirt, then went to sleep with sweet thoughts of Chris' dad's fictional bacon factory.
Yes, in my drunken state I believed the ridiculous lies they were feeding me about Chris' dad owning a bacon factory in Mesquite, Nevada. The reason I needed to go to bed was because we were taking a tour of the factory in the morning, they said.
Caitlin said she's really disappointed that I'm not like that anymore, because she would have liked to hang out with "drunken college version of Brianna." It's true that I rarely get drunk anymore, but what's not to love about "cola-sipping-crocheting-lives in the real world and can't get drunk on weeknights-Brianna"?
Maybe I should remind her of what happened the last time I drank...

Let's think back to Caitlin's birthday, April 4, 2008. Picture, if you will, a birthday party thrown in her honor. One of her friends calls. He wants to bring a homeless person he just met to her house. Caitlin doesn't want a random stranger in her house. Brianna makes a sign to welcome the stranger.














Caitlin gets mad, and tries to fight Brianna, but ultimately loses, because Brianna is stronger, and put her in a death-grip, leaving Caitlin begging for mercy.







Or at least that's how I remember it.

I'm barely keeping my head above water

This is not wedding related, but I've been stressing out big time about our upcoming move. The timeline goes like this:

May 11: our going-away shindig
May 16: Matt's last day of work
May 17-19: Matt and I drive to Charlotte
May 25 or 26: I fly back to SLC
May 30: my last day of work
May 31: Matt's birthday

The things adding to my stress include the fact that we have nowhere to wash our clothes and are living like we're homeless. We'll probably spend the whole night tonight at the laundromat, when we should be packing.

Also, we haven't turned in our application for an apartment in Charlotte yet. We're battling them because they are trying to make us each pay a fee instead of counting us as a married couple, even though we won't live there together until after we are married.

One more thing, which is beyond my control, is the fact that my boss hasn't announced my upcoming departure yet, and my job hasn't been posted. I know this isn't my problem, but I'd really like to be able to train someone so my replacement doesn't screw over my whole section.

...And I need to get the Subaru serviced before we drive it across the country.

Weekend Update

We got a lot done this past weekend.

1. We went to Park City and bought my wedding band and exchanged Matt's ring for a smaller size.
2. While in P.C., we helped Kelby pick out a shirt for the wedding and some shoes.
3. We went to the liquor store to get moving boxes, and bought a 1/2 gallon of Smirnoff to start out the liquor stash.
4. We bought three more ties for the groom's dudes.
5. I started making the cupcake tower.
6. Registered for gifts at Bed Bath and Beyond.
   

I think it was a pretty productive weekend. Registering was pretty fun, because Matt kept scanning in ridiculous things to make me laugh (like a shower massager and a soap dispenser shaped like a monkey), then deleting them. Now, I have to go online to make sure all the joke scans got deleted.

We'll be leaving in less than 2 weeks to move to N.C., so I'll probably spend most of this week packing and trying to get rid of stuff.

Things I left off the list: drank beer, ate wings and pizza, watched Rushmore.