Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

I was told today that my 23-year-old coworker is more mature than I am. The comment was made because I laughed at the word "colon" when it was being refered to in the punctuation form, not the other form. In case you're like my coworker and didn't get why I was laughing, colon is a fancy medical term for asshole.

I guess there is more supporting evidence for the fact that I am immature than against it. For example, today I was working on a school assignment called my Organizational Analysis, and I thought of saving it as "Organ Anal" for short.

On the other hand, I've grown a lot in the past couple years. For starters, I removed both my nose ring and my navel ring, though the latter was due the fact that I didn't want to draw attention to my less-than-perfect midsection while at the pool. Also, I have an IRA. Nothing says maturity like planning for your retirement, bitches.

So, are my immature jokes just a pathetic attempt to relive my teen years, or am I slowly acsending into adulthood? I'll answer that question someday, but it will require delving deeper. That's what she said.

Things I need

Mustache Mugs:

13 reasons not to have children

*warning, inappropriate material may follow* (Mom, you probably don't want to read this)

I am getting sick of people asking me when we're going to have kids. That is a very personal and serious life decision, so why would I want to discuss it with mere acquaintances? I do not know why people think it is appropriate to ask such things. So, I've created some responses to the dreaded "Why don't you have kids" question that will surely make the asker very uncomfortable.

1. Oh, didn't you hear? The doctors say we're unable to have children.
2. We were going to have one, but we aborted it.
3. We don't want to bring a child into a hostile environment, considering our drug habits and porn addictions.
4. Great idea! Perhaps you can give us your thoughts on family planning since you seem so interested in the topic.
5. As appealing as it sounds to spend hours trying to push an mucus-covered eight pound object out of my vagina, while shitting myself and screaming bloody murder, I think I'll pass. And you know it doesn't go back to its original size. You know what I'm talking about.
6. Right now I'm really enjoying eight to ten restful hours of sleep, but if I ever want to change my sleep-cycle so I'm awake every two hours, I'll let you know.
7. We've decided to lead more sustainable lives and "go green," and the environmental impact of adding another person to the world is too detrimental to the cause. Children are constant drains on our limited resources.
8. Matt and I are so awesome that we think it would be unfair to have a child who couldn't live up to the legacy of his/her parents. The kid would just be a disappointment to all.
9. Statistics say it costs about $250,000 to raise a kid, and I'd rather have that money to spend on designer handbags, jewelry, and booze.
10. I don't want to give up drinking for nine months.
11. I can't keep a houseplant alive for more than a few months, and unlike a plant, a kid surely wouldn't be able to survive two weeks of neglect.
12. I've lived 25 years without stretch marks and gaining 50+ pounds, and I hope to keep it that way.
13. I want to be able to listen to gangsta rap unedited, and throw out the f-bomb as much as I want.

Love is a mixtape

When I was at my parents' house in Moab a couple weeks ago I grabbed a handful of old mix tapes on my way out the door. Our new/old car (lovingly named "Deuce") has only a tape deck, and I wanted some 'tunes for the ride home. I had no idea I would soon unleash a flood of childhood memories.
From my best guess, the tapes were made between 1994-1996.

Some noteworthy mix tape moments:
5 Boyz II Men songs on one tape
Donna Lewis' one-hit-wonder "I Love You, Always Forever"
Joni Lewis' "Big Yellow Taxi" followed by Ace of Base's "Don't Turn Around"
Dave Matthews Band and Toad the Wet Sprocket songs--not bad taste for a youngster.

Hooker heels and the subjugation of women

MSN had an article today, "Do high heels empower or oppress women?" that got me thinking about my empowerment tactics, and wearing heels is definitely one of them. When I'm wearing heels, not only do I have better posture, but I'm taller than most people (men included), which has forced me to own my height instead of feeling ashamed of it. In heels, I stand tall, arch my back, and walk confidently.

The bra-burners in the article argue that heels make women into sex objects, which I think is a bull shizzz. Unless you're pulling an Amy Winehouse and "rockin' your F-me pumps," men probably won't pay much attention to your footwear.

Another thing that irritated me about the article was the poll: Do you think high high heels empower or oppress women? One option was, "Some women can get away with wearing higher heels than other women, especially if they’re shorter." WHAT??

By the way, I'm wearing heels today, and I highly doubt anyone in the office will opress me or view me as a sex-object.

They're the rounded-toe version of these:

Viva heels! I think Carrie Bradshaw would concur.

Possibly the most disgusting thing I've done all week

My thoughts a moment ago:
Damn, this lip gloss makes my lips look really good! They are so glossy. Wait a minute...I didn't put on lip gloss today. What the ...oh shit.

I had pizza grease on my lips from lunch and had been rubbing them together admiring them in the bathroom mirror for a good 20 seconds before I realized what it was.

I've got mad culinary skillz

Since people seem to think that Matt is losing weight because of my poor culinary skills, I've decided to blog more about what I've been cooking. Not one, but TWO people commented that Matt seemed to have lost weight after getting married, and it has to be because of Brianna's cooking. I'd like to remind them that we lived in sin before we got married, so he's been eating my crappy meals for years; in fact, it was my cooking that made him gain weight in the first place. Just kidding about the crappy meals part; my meals are pretty awesome if I do say so myself.

While I have had a few kitchen mishaps (there was an incident with a pot roast), my year of unemployement consisted of many hours watching the Food Network. Maybe Matt's weight loss is due to the fact that I've been cooking salmon and steamed vegetables, or because we eat whole grains and veggie burgers, while some people (namely, one of the people who commented on my alleged bad cooking) serve Kraft Mac 'n' Cheese as a side dish on a regular basis. And I'm not saying I always cook healthy meals--I do the fried chicken and mashed potatoes thing sometimes--but I am more conscious about what we are eating lately.

So, on to the post about what I've been cooking....
It was cold and rainy yesterday, so I decided to make some soup. It turned out pretty damn good (go me!). It's based on my mom's minestrone recipe, which is tasty and super easy to make. You basically take some beef broth and add in some seasonings and whatever you have in your cupboard. I added beef, 1/2 an onion (diced), kidney beans, green beans, macaroni, a fresh tomato, a can of fire-roasted tomatoes, garlic, oregano, basil, salt and pepper. I served it with cheddar corn muffins, and Matt and Caitlin said they both enjoyed it. Matt ate three corn muffins, and while I don't have any physical proof that I'm not starving him, he will attest to the fact that my meal was the bomb-diggity.

Fashion, turn to the left. Fashion, turn around and go home and change shoes.

Do you ever get dressed in the morning, thinking you look fabulous, but later in the day realize your choice of outfit sucks? Well, that's what happened to me today. I got some new black suede boots and really wanted to wear them, but I probably should have waited until winter.

Cute, huh? So I wore them with skinny jeans and a kimono-style top I got from Urban Outfitters. It is similar to this, but it black with white flowers and a striped cuff on the sleeves:

The problem is that the top of the boot is much wider than my leg, and it looks stupid. I'm going to try to sew some elastic into the lining of the boot at the top. I think it will look okay since the boot is slouchy to begin with.

Since it's officially fall and Fall Fashion Week has started, here's a list of fashion items on my wish list. I decided that I'm going to start wearing plain clothes and ridiculously bold accessories.

Cashmere gloves:

(from Nordstrom.com)

Feather headband:

(Forever21)

Blingy bracelet:

(Forever21)

Orange purse:

(Anthropologie)

Recipe: Potato, Squash, and Goat Cheese Gratin

If you haven't noticed, I've been too lazy to write a real post, so I'm just throwing out links right and left.

Here's a link to dish I'd like to try:

Potato, Squash, and Goat Cheese Gratin

Another librarian stereotype: sexy librarian

Librarian
By: My Morning Jacket (from the album Evil Urges)

Walk across the courtyard, towards the library.
I can hear the insects buzz and the leaves 'neath my feet...

Ramble up the stairwell, into the hall of books...
Since we got the interweb these hardly get used.

Duck into the men's room... combing thru my hair...
When god gave us mirrors he had no idea...

Looking for a lesson in the periodicals...
There I spy you listening to the AM radio...

Karen of the carpenters- singing in the rain...
Another lovely victim of the mirror's evil way.

It's not like you're not trying, with a pencil in your har
To defy the beauty the good lord put in there...

Simple little bookworm- buried underneath...
Is the sexiest librarian... take off those glasses and let down your hair for me.

So I watch you thru the bookcase- imaging a scene:
You and I at dinner, spending time, then to sleep.

And what then would I say to you- lying there in bed?
These words, with a kiss, I would plant in your head:

"what is it inside our heads that makes us do the opposite?
Makes us do the opposite of what's right for us?
Cause everything'd be grrreat... and everything'd be good...
If everybody gave... like everybody could."

Sweetest little bookworm. hidden underneath...
Is the sexiest librarian...
Take off those glasses and let your hair down for me.
Take off those glasses and let your hair down for me.

Simple little beauty- heaven in your breath.
The simplest of pleasures- the world at it's best.

Another librarian stereotype: librarian with a stick up his ass

Inked

Caitlin has wanted me to get a tattoo with her for a while, but I can't commit to anything. But, I did find a cool calendar that raises money for the Texas Library Disaster Relief fund. The calendar is called "The Tattooed Ladies of TLA."

I also think this is cool:




And this is hilarious, especially the part about Lord of the Rings.

Peeved

Pet Peeve of the Day:
When people use the word "stinkin'" to refer to something that does not in fact stink. Example: "Your baby is so stinkin' cute."

That word, when used that way, makes me want to gouge my ears out with a blunt object.